Menu-esque Thing

• (on the nature of the class) It's like going to the doctor's office... for particularly unpleasant procedures.
• (w.r.t. take-home exams) This will have to be specially styled for take-home exam-- just as food is styled for take-out ... but take-home exam is much tastier.
• Reports on the death of complex analysis are massly exaggerated.
• Physicists use math for entertainment purposes.
• (on Cauchy-Riemann conditions) Cauchy discovered these conditions and Riemann used them for his, ah, secret purposes.
• (on complex integration) Now here comes the interesting part.
• 80% of the theorems in complex analysis are Cauchy's Theorems
• The vengeance of the complex plane is terrible. Always remember that.
• (on the proof of the Residue theorem) Why is this reason to rejoice?
• Knowledge of analytic methods declined due to unfortunate and widespread disease of computers... Computers are tools. They are not a substitute for understanding. The language of physics is math. Computers do not contribute to the language... If you want to listen to the music of the spheres, then use math!
• Differential equations is another one of those welfare programs of physics.
• There are only three numbers in the world: 0, 1, and Infinity. In fact there are only two numbers because 0=1/Inf. So if it is not 0, then it is 1.
• (comparing Green's Function to Einstein's GR) The way to be remembered forever is to do something useful- not very profound.
• Quantum computing came from physicists ... obviously as does anything good in the world. Computer scientists wouldn't know quantum computer if it fell on them from the third floor.
• Nothing matches TeX!
• (on the Euler-Maclaurin Integration Formula) It works in all cases where it does. When it doesn't ... well, it doesn't.
• It agrees with theory- which is reason for great sorrow ...
• I am Mr. Spherical Bessel Functions! If you want to discuss spherical Bessels until you sweat, I'd be happy to discuss them.
• (on choosing origins that don't take advantage of symmetry) Nobody sane would ever do this to themself.
• If everything works, then what are physicists to do?

Other quotes collected by another graduate student who survived the tutelage of Zlatko Tesanovic

Dr. Gabor Domokos and Susan Kovesi-Domokos- Astroparticle Physics

• I don't know if measuring the distance to the nearest galaxy in inverse mass units is any more reasonable than measuring in parsecs.
• Physics should not change if I am walking in a circle.
• For common mortals, c= 3E10cm/s. For knowledgeable astrophysicists, c=1.
• In my universe, there exists only one electron.
• Se passa passa (translation: if you can get away with it...)
• ... but I said 2/3 =1
• (guest lecturer on cosmic rays) Clouds diminish your signal. I like signal.
• (on static universe) It's not a fact so it doesn't matter very much.
• We don't like small constants.
• We don't like large constants.
• Why climb Mount Everest? Because it is there... We have better motivation for studying neutrino physics.
• There will be many seminars at which you will be lost. This will continue until you retire and stop going to seminars.
• The importance of string theory depends on the size of the person's ego.
• (on string theory calculations) They are practicing 'safe physics.' You can calculate anything you want and no experimentalist can tell you you're lying.
• (on the theory that strong, weak interactions are unified at a certain scale) You find schizophrenic neutrinos because all the interactions are at the same strength and the neutrino doesn't know it's not a quark.
• We submitted a letter that the referee accepted without question- which almost completely convinced us that we were wrong.
• You don't want to get into a field (unless you are in condensed matter where it is inevitable) -but you don't want to arrive where there are a hundred people churning out papers already.
• (on K.A.R.M.E.N.) The only thing I know is 'N' is for 'neutrinos.'
• (on the symmetry in neutrino oscillation) ... it is exceptionally kind of mother nature.
• (on supersymmetry) It's theoretical acrobatics- the gluino is the superpartner of the gluon.
• (on unification and string models) We are feeding them theoretical ... input ... propaganda.

Dr. Charlie Telesco - ISM

• "of order unity" means somewhere between 0.1 and 10
• How do you say "rigamarole" in Spanish?
• It's and approximate fact. Hey, if politicians can do it, so can we.
• If astronomy was a personality contest, we'd all be in trouble.
• (on Mie Theory) ... and fitting the different ME models ...ooh, I'm starting to sound like Mike Meyers.
• Qualifying exams always seem to have something on the size of HII regions.

Dr. Charlie Telesco - Observational Techniques

• Who flies the Fundamental Plane?
• I think we've already talked about this ... to first order.
• I'm trying to be uncharacteristically neat, but it isn't working.
• That's only a partial truth... it's only good to first order.
• If you're a celestial object... and I'm sure in you better moments you feel that way...
• (wrt calculating signal to noise) It's kinda cool in a geeky kinda way.
• Part of the confusion comes because they're using magnitudes.

Dr. Vicki Sarajedini - Galactic Astronomy

• (wrt shameless interchange of intensity and surface brightness) Oh, whatever. Everyone else does it.
• Astronomers do that. They leave off error bars so it doesn't look so confusing. But really it IS confusing.
• The funny thing about Tully-Fisher (well I think it's funny) is that you'd expect it to work, but ...
• We LIVE in a disk. We should be able to get SOME information.
• (wrt effective potentials) It's really just a construct. It's not really physically motivated. It's mathematically motivated to make things easier... well in SOMEONE'S opinion.
• (wrt classifying AGN) It's kinda really historical and somewhat arbitrary.
• This is the last class we're going to have, so I brought tissues in case you feel like weeping at the end.

Dr. Ata Sarajedini - Stellar Astronomy

• It's not so much the quantity that's being approximated as the concept.
• Real life is really good for constraining your theory.
• If you're not degenerate ...

Physics/Astronomy Wisdom from other sources

• (from me) Happiness is time-averaged
• (from AP US History) Beware the M.E.G.O. effect. (My Eyes Glaze Over)
• 1 = 2 for large values of 1
• Once you've had the fire, you'll never be satisfied wih the ashes.
• written in an e-mail: "Tomorrow the VIRGO cluster will be relocated."
• (Dr. Steve Gottesman) If you have questions, you can go visit Uncle Doug and Grandpa Vera.
• (Dr. Bo Gustafson) I can get my hand to look green but I'm still not a space man.
• (guest lecturer Mike Turner) Not all crazy ideas are solutions to profound problems. Some are just crazy.
• (guest lecturer Mike Turner) I assume you've taken the physics course where you learned that neutrons are green and photons are blue.
• (guest lecturer Mike Turner) One sigma means you're willing to bet the reputation of a graduate student; two sigma means you're willing to bet a small family pet; three sigma is a child.
• (Eddington) No experimental result should be accepted until confirmed by theory.
• (Steve Eikenberry) The Eddington luminosity is like the pirate code... it's more of a guideline than an actual rule.
• (Ashley Espy) Can I get some input/exput.
• (Charlie Telesco) You're in the wrong field if you're not an optimist.
• (Justinc Crepp) Showing a Fourier intergal to a student is like showing a crucifix to Count Dracula.
• (Jonathan Tan) We need to know what the density is ... that's what we need to know, then we'll have everything!
• (John Everett) I hope to show you (A) that the model is very simple and (B) that I should not be allowed near ANY drawing program.
• (Jim Gunn) Cosmology is not repeatable and we have only one samplel of the universe.
• (Haywood Smith) It's like swinging a fat dog by a short tail.
• (Steve Gottesman) If it wasn't for diffraction of sound waves, you couldn't hear a sausage.