Menu-esque Thing

Some problems don't exist for people who start late. -Curtis

I can spill anything. It's my special talent. Ask Michelle, she'll tell you all about it.

Michelle: Steve multpilies his sigma by his ego and publishes that.
Steve: I think it's ego-squared.

X-rays are my favorite wavelength. -Valerie

Never point your banana at me again. -Knicole

Just because he has vocabulary doesn't mean he can't use it wrongly. -Alison

Valerie: You haven't killed me yet.
Amanda: Well, there's a first time for everything.

Don't look at me like I'm an astronomer. -Valerie

I found my driver's license... and a spoon! -Tyler

I'd kill anyone who haunted a bathroom. -Michelle

Steve: Do the best you can, but not any better.
Curtis: I'll stop just short of impossible.

Reality has a well-known liberal bias. -Steve

Michelle: Isn't there some Jewish police I can report you to?
Dan: (dismissively) Um, it's called God. Anyway...

Steve: Hi, Michelle. Can I borrow your brain.
Michelle (sounding concerned): Can I come with you?

I'm getting a PhD in astrophysics, not common sense. -Valerie

Michelle: I know you have everyone's best interest at heart.
(Unidentifed grad student muttering under his breath): Actually I want everyone to die.

You don't have to know anything about statistics if you know how to Monte Carlo -Michelle

I realize you have no time, but some of the rest of us do. -Reba

They got absorbed. (I'm not allowed to say stolen.) -Michelle

Isn't there drinking later? ... May as well start at lunch. It'll be like an English day. -Reba

Reba: Did you get rid of the white spot? What was it?
Michelle: Oh, it was stupidity.

Do I need to bring something to the meeting or just my wits? -Michelle

Valerie: You can't schedule around other people's santiy.
Steve: Or your own.

Valerie: It's okay to lie
Curtis: But you can only do it so many times... I'll count and put myself down for one lie this week.

I introduced a fudge factor and assumed there was nothing wrong with it. -Mark

It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum. -Curtis

Mess not with computer guys for you are crunchy and good with ketchup. -Reba

I'm sorry Curtis, your life sucks. -Michelle

Valerie's Distance Law: Pick ten. If it's too long, divide by two.

Valerie: And this is how I can tell you're not working. See the smile on your face?
Dan: AGNs are ... funny.

She sees gluestick, she still gets nervous. -Michelle

I'll conflict your interest, bitch. -Ashley

Alison: You're like half a woman anyway.
Tyler: Well you're like half a child.
Valerie: What am I?
Tyler: You're a goose. Come here, let me juggle you.

If you spill water on me, I will be very sad. And by sad, I mean I will kill you. -Alison

Tyler: I'm going to invent a zero-point module.
Alison: I'm going to invent a memory scanner.
Valerie: I'm not going to invent anything. I'm a parrot.

I have a finger that has a message for you. -Valerie in response to one of Dave's smart remarks

The printer is most definitely a woman, for a lot of reasons. Mostly because you have to know how to handle her if you want her to put out. -Anonymous

Put that in your southern pipe and smoke it. -Michelle

Reba: I hate probabilities.
Steve: Are you certain?
Reba: My confidence level is high.

Valerie: Dave doesn't handle anything well.
Reba: Creationists. Cigars.

Michelle: I don't know what you do at night.
Valerie: If you look at my credit card statement, you will find two separate purchases of shackles in the past month.

Dan: I don't do animals.
Ashley: You don't have to 'do' them, you just have to feed them.

Meat gives you strength. -David

Mr. Sensitive and the boy who shaves his legs. -Michelle describing Dan and Eric

I can only handle one war at a time. Right now, I'm working on the Dominion. -Alison

You know me, I love beer. -Valerie

Michelle: Where do you want to go for lunch?
The newly Dr. Dave, PhD: I was thinking some place with beer.

I'm allergic to plant sex. My virgin nose can't take it. -Michelle (on how spring is screwing her)

We'll get a restraining order for all meteors on the Earth. Violaters will be sentenced to exile in the Kuiper belt. -Ashley

I ate a whole one of those and realized it had peanuts in it. I didn't die, obviously. -Dave

Valerie: If that doesn't get you a job, I don't know what will.
Dan: What? Tying shoes?

Valerie to 8-Ball: Will Dave get a job?
Magic 8 Ball: Without a doubt.
Dan to 8-Ball: Will Dave work at McDonalds?
Magic 8 Ball: It is certain.

There's no 'F' in stars. -Valerie

Let me bury my soul for a moment so I can talk to my boss about things that will only upset me more. -Valerie

It was a stupid mistake, but it was perpetuated for a long time because you thought I was smarter than I am. -Michelle

Michelle: We're having some problems.
Curtis: I just gloss over mine... I find the hard problems and I leave them for you.

Ashley: Hay is for horses.
Dave: Baaaa!

That's not an order of magnitude, it's a factor of 10. -Dave

I'm trying to do work and I'm succeeding. It's kind of surprising. -Dave

He's still afraid of me because he knows that underneath all this science, I am a woman and I have rage. -Valerie

Excellent minds think alike. -Dave

Which way is blue? -Valerie

(mumble, mumble,mumble) I do that all the time. I start talking before my brain is in gear. -Dave

It's okay to need coffee. It's not okay to need a psychologist. -Valerie

I don't give a flying fish... it's f**k, isn't it? -Michelle

You can unkill something, you can't un-delete it. -Michelle

I'm confused as to how you're confused. -Michelle

Drunk people make good quotes. -Valerie

Every now and then I convince myself that Steve is a mere mortal, and then he shows me this s$*t. -Michelle

One day [Steve's] travel plans will cease to shock you. If you montecarlo him, I expect the results would be similar to the 8 ball. -Valerie

Mark has several quotes, all of them dirty. -Michelle

I have a PDF file, but it's not edible. -Dave

Dave was an unfortunate fatality in the Jonathan Tan War. -Anonymous (censored to protect the innocent)

I suffered from Graham Cracker trauma in preschool. -David

And that's why it was stupid. -Valerie

Right now, I'm excited about basketball. -Craig

I may have missed something, but ... B.W. after a 45 minute snooze.

Can I get some input/exput? -Ashley

You're in the wrong field if you're not an optimist. -Charlie T.

Squint-o-meter. -Gottesman

Who's the blonde chick? M.E.

If it doesn't have an accretion disk, it doesn't have gravity. -Valerie

Showing a Fourier integral to a student is like showing a crucifix to Dracula. -Justin C.

You can cure everything with a good velocity kick. -Steve

If it can go through your body without killing you, it's not high energy. -M.E.

You'd think I could get a Ph.D. after all this! -Veronica

Anything that's true to first order is true. There are no second order effects in astrophysics, just a need for better data. -Andrew G. (FES)

Shutup a$$hole! You just spent $25,000 on a dollar bill! -Ashley

I've got to write down my lectures from one side of my brain to the other. -Dave

We would have never predicted ourselves if we weren't here in the first place! -Bo, paraphrase

You have measured the absolute value of the weirdness. -Reba to Michelle

Damn if you do. Damn if you don't. -Bo

Have you seen what [xxxx] is wearing? Somewhere his girlfriend is cold! -Ashley, (name sensored to protect the innocent)

To put it in context, it's not anything to jump off a bridge for. -B.W.

Did we fight Germany in a Disney movie? -Valerie

God didn't go to grad school, hence the day of rest crap. -Ashley

The world flag: for the sake of peace now, for the sake of aliens later. -Ashley and Valerie

Tyler: Did I do well on my solar system test?
Magic 8 Ball: Don't count on it.

Edit, Undo! Edit, Undo! -Dave after Michelle erased the whiteboard

Ashley: Our office has just gone from kickass to kickasser! Put that in your planetarium and view it.
Dave: I had to laugh at that twice.

You're f***ing ABC news! I don't mean you're having sex with ABC news! -M.E.

It's like swinging a fat dog by a short tail. -H. Smith

If it wasn't for diffraction of sound waves, you couldn't hear a sausage. -Gottesman