Quotations from Around the Department

• I can spill anything. It's my special talent. Ask Michelle, she'll tell you all about it.
• Michelle: Steve multpilies his sigma by his ego and publishes that. Steve: I think it's ego-squared.
• X-rays are my favorite wavelength. -Valerie
• Never point your banana at me again. -Knicole
• Just because he has vocabulary doesn't mean he can't use it wrongly. -Alison
• Valerie: You haven't killed me yet.
  Amanda: Well, there's a first time for everything.
• Don't look at me like I'm an astronomer. -Valerie
• I found my driver's license... and a spoon! -Tyler
• I'd kill anyone who haunted a bathroom. -Michelle
• Steve: Do the best you can, but not any better.
  Curtis: I'll stop just short of impossible.
• Reality has a well-known liberal bias. -Steve
• Michelle: Isn't there some Jewish police I can report you to?
  Dan: (dismissively)Um, it's called God. Anyway...
• Steve: Hi, Michelle. Can I borrow your brain.
  Michelle (sounding concerned): Can I come with you?
• I'm getting a PhD in astrophysics, not common sense. -Valerie
• Michelle: I know you have everyone's best interest at heart.
  (Unidentifed grad student muttering under his breath): Actually I want everyone to die.
• You don't have to know anything about statistics if you know how to Monte Carlo -Michelle
• I realize you have no time, but some of the rest of us do. -Reba
• They got absorbed. (I'm not allowed to say stolen.) -Michelle
• Isn't there drinking later? ... May as well start at lunch. It'll be like an English day. -Reba
• Reba: Did you get rid of the white spot? What was it?
  Michelle: Oh, it was stupidity.
• Do I need to bring something to the meeting or just my wits? -Michelle
• Valerie: You can't schedule around other people's santiy.
  Steve: Or your own.
• Valerie: It's okay to lie
  Curtis: But you can only do it so many times... I'll count and put myself down for one lie this week.
• I introduced a fudge factor and assumed there was nothing wrong with it. -Mark
• It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum. -Curtis
• Mess not with computer guys for you are crunchy and good with ketchup. -Reba
• I'm sorry Curtis, your life sucks. -Michelle
• Valerie's Distance Law: Pick ten. If it's too long, divide by two.
• Valerie: And this is how I can tell you're not working. See the smile on your face?
  Dan: AGNs are ... funny.
• She sees gluestick, she still gets nervous. -Michelle
• I'll conflict your interest, bitch. -Ashley
• Alison: You're like half a woman anyway.
  Tyler: Well you're like half a child.
  Valerie: What am I?
  Tyler: You're a goose. Come here, let me juggle you.
• If you spill water on me, I will be very sad. And by sad, I mean I will kill you. -Alison
• Tyler: I'm going to invent a zero-point module.
  Alison: I'm going to invent a memory scanner.
  Valerie: I'm not going to invent anything. I'm a parrot.
• I have a finger that has a message for you. -Valerie in response to one of Dave's smart remarks
• The printer is most definitely a woman, for a lot of reasons. Mostly because you have to know how to handle her if you want her to put out. -Anonymous
• Put that in your southern pipe and smoke it. -Michelle
• Reba: I hate probabilities.
  Steve: Are you certain?
  Reba: My confidence level is high.
• Valerie: Dave doesn't handle anything well.
  Reba: Creationists. Cigars.
• Michelle: I don't know what you do at night.
  Valerie: If you look at my credit card statement, you will find two separate purchases of shackles in the past month.
• Dan: I don't do animals.
  Ashley: You don't have to 'do' them, you just have to feed them.
• Meat gives you strength. -David
• Mr. Sensitive and the boy who shaves his legs. -Michelle describing Dan and Eric
• I can only handle one war at a time. Right now, I'm working on the Dominion. -Alison
• You know me, I love beer. -Valerie
• Michelle: Where do you want to go for lunch?
  The newly Dr. Dave, PhD: I was thinking some place with beer.
• I'm allergic to plant sex. My virgin nose can't take it. -Michelle (on how spring is screwing her)
• We'll get a restraining order for all meteors on the Earth. Violaters will be sentenced to exile in the Kuiper belt. -Ashley
• I ate a whole one of those and realized it had peanuts in it. I didn't die, obviously. -Dave
• Valerie: If that doesn't get you a job, I don't know what will.
  Dan: What? Tying shoes?
• Valerie to 8-Ball: Will Dave get a job?
  Magic 8 Ball: Without a doubt.
  Dan to 8-Ball: Will Dave work at McDonalds?
  Magic 8 Ball: It is certain.
• There's no 'F' in stars. -Valerie
• Let me bury my soul for a moment so I can talk to my boss about things that will only upset me more. -Valerie
• It was a stupid mistake, but it was perpetuated for a long time because you thought I was smarter than I am. -Michelle
• Michelle: We're having some problems.
  Curtis: I just gloss over mine... I find the hard problems and I leave them for you.
• Ashley: Hay is for horses.
  Dave: Baaaa!
• That's not an order of magnitude, it's a factor of 10. -Dave
• I'm trying to do work and I'm succeeding. It's kind of surprising. -Dave
• He's still afraid of me because he knows that underneath all this science, I am a woman and I have rage. -Valerie
• Excellent minds think alike. -Dave
• Which way is blue? -Valerie
• (mumble, mumble,mumble) I do that all the time. I start talking before my brain is in gear. -Dave
• It's okay to need coffee. It's not okay to need a psychologist. -Valerie
• I don't give a flying fish... it's f**k, isn't it? -Michelle
• You can unkill something, you can't un-delete it. -Michelle
• I'm confused as to how you're confused. -Michelle
• Drunk people make good quotes. -Valerie
• Every now and then I convince myself that Steve is a mere mortal, and then he shows me this s$*t. -Michelle
• One day [Steve's] travel plans will cease to shock you. If you montecarlo him, I expect the results would be similar to the 8 ball. -Valerie
• Mark has several quotes, all of them dirty. -Michelle
• I have a PDF file, but it's not edible. -Dave
• Dave was an unfortunate fatality in the Jonathan Tan War. -Anonymous (censored to protect the innocent)
• I suffered from Graham Cracker trauma in preschool. -David
• And that's why it was stupid. -Valerie
• Right now, I'm excited about basketball. -Craig
• I may have missed something, but ... B.W. after a 45 minute snooze.
• Can I get some input/exput? -Ashley
• You're in the wrong field if you're not an optimist. -Charlie T.
• Squint-o-meter. -Gottesman
• Who's the blonde chick? M.E.
• If it doesn't have an accretion disk, it doesn't have gravity. -Valerie
• Showing a Fourier integral to a student is like showing a crucifix to Dracula. -Justin C.
• You can cure everything with a good velocity kick. -Steve
• If it can go through your body without killing you, it's not high energy. -M.E.
• You'd think I could get a Ph.D. after all this! -Veronica
• Anything that's true to first order is true. There are no second order effects in astrophysics, just a need for better data. -Andrew G. (FES)
• Shutup a$$hole! You just spent $25,000 on a dollar bill! -Ashley
• I've got to write down my lectures from one side of my brain to the other. -Dave
• We would have never predicted ourselves if we weren't here in the first place! -Bo, paraphrase
• You have measured the absolute value of the weirdness. -Reba to Michelle
• Damn if you do. Damn if you don't. -Bo
• Have you seen what [xxxx] is wearing? Somewhere his girlfriend is cold! -Ashley, (name sensored to protect the innocent)
• To put it in context, it's not anything to jump off a bridge for. -B.W.
• Did we fight Germany in a Disney movie? -Valerie
• God didn't go to grad school, hence the day of rest crap. -Ashley
• The world flag: for the sake of peace now, for the sake of aliens later. -Ashley and Valerie
• Tyler: Did I do well on my solar system test?
  Magic 8 Ball: Don't count on it.
• Edit, Undo! Edit, Undo! -Dave after Michelle erased the whiteboard
• Ashley: Our office has just gone from kickass to kickasser! Put that in your planetarium and view it.
  Dave: I had to laugh at that twice.
• You're f***ing ABC news! I don't mean you're having sex with ABC news! -M.E.
• It's like swinging a fat dog by a short tail. -H. Smith
• If it wasn't for diffraction of sound waves, you couldn't hear a sausage. -Gottesman

---

Back to my Home Page